20.10.2022: My difficulties at Isai Ambalam School

Hallo Freunde, da ich hier immer mehr Menschen kennen lerne, die durch aus immer wieder Interesse an meinem Blog gezeigt haben und ich außerdem evtl einen Beitrag für ein Magazin über Auroville schreiben soll, habe ich beschlossen den Blog von jetzt an auf Englisch zu schreiben bzw. es zu versuchen. Wenn deswegen Unklarheiten entstehen bitte einfach nachfragen oder einfach die Kommentar Funktion nutzen.

So, Lets try this in english. haha I already feel like I’m back in school LOL. First of all i wanna say sorry for the lack of posts in the last 3 weeks. I wasn’t posting because there was a lot of stuff happening and I could not find time to write. Also I was overwhelmed. again. So what happened during the last three weeks: First of all I wanna talk about my working situation. As you might remember I was struggling quite a lot in my school. I didn’t know what to do with the different classes, did not know what the school expected of me and maybe not even what I expected of myself. That ended with me being completely overwhelmed and being completely exhausted after every Day of Work. Sometimes I could not even find the energy to get up in the morning. on the 6.10. we then had our first meeting with the other volunteers and our coordinators and mentors to talk about how we are, how the projects are … before that meeting I was literally done with Isai Ambalam School. I wanted to change project asap. At the meeting I told them about my difficulties, about how my Boss is always absent and not reachable to me to talk about it. About my Mentor in school and how she always just nodded in that Indian way which looks for us europeans as if she’s angry with me and more like she’s shaking her head. Not nodding. While I was talking to my Mentor Andi I noticed that I actually am not ready to quit yet. Also he told me, that he kinda expected all that stuff to happen in Isai Ambalam, he knew that the school is one of the most difficult projects for us volunteers. he was actually really understanding what helped a lot. Still he told me to keep going for another month. If I then would still want to change my project that would be possible. What happened then was that I realized I couldn’t work like this any longer so the first thing I did to keep going was to change my mindset. From high expectations of me teaching English and Sports, to teach them all I know how to express yourself in englisch, to make great sportsman out of my students, to I don’t give a fuck about anything anymore. What ever happens shall happen. I don’t care any longer. I went in my classes asked them what they wanted to do. In case I understood what they were saying I tried to follow their wishes. If it still didn’t work I told myself okey its fine no worries, u asked them what they wanna do so its not on you. Also if a lesson again was completely messy and just bad I didn’t feel bad about it because it was not my fault. If the school does not give me any structure or materials or any plan what to teach its not my fault if I fuck up. You can not imagined how much that change of mindset helped. Everything felt easier after, I stopped worrying about everything. I just went to work and did what I could. I suddenly had fun teaching again and it also felt like my students had more fun than before. The second thing I tried was sending my boss an email. He first did not reply for about 7 days or something. That btw. just strengthened my change of mind because It felt like he didn’t give a fuck about me either so why should I ? but yeah the I found out, that he was out of town for a week on silent meditation and that’s the reason he didn’t answer. When he answered he offered me a meeting to talk a few days later. When we talked he was actually really caring. He listened to what I said, asked questions when he did not understand something and asked about what to change. So I told him that it would be easier for me not to have classes on my own without any idea what to do with them and and and. He told me he didn’t know that this was the way I was working (Sanjeev my boss has a few different projects all over Auroville which is why he’s not too present in the school) and that I’m also not supposed to work like that. I’m supposed to be an assistant for another teacher and maybe workout lessons on my own but with help of the teacher. So he talked to the teachers again and actually since then a few things changed. I do get more support of most of the teachers, I’m still on my in one or two classes everyday but that’s kinda OK for me as i do not have the expectation of myself to be a great teacher anymore. So yeah right now work it is ok and I’m looking forward to spend more time here, learn more about myself and find out about how to be a good teacher if you actually have no fucking clue what to do 😀

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